


Conversations

by indefensibleselfindulgence



Series: supplication [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Allusions to bondage, An Elaborate Extrapolation On One Thing Liam Said In Talks That I Can't Stop Worrying About, Angst, Blow Jobs, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Fingering, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Other, Panic Attacks, Pegging, Penis In Vagina Sex, Self-Hatred, Smut, caleb's past, vague allusions to past dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 18:33:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17006955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefensibleselfindulgence/pseuds/indefensibleselfindulgence
Summary: The first time he has sex with Mollymauk, it's to get Mollymauk to leave him alone.It doesn't work.





	Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> two things: 
> 
> 1: this is part of a series and technically this one comes before the other one chronologically but it honestly doesn't matter what order you read them in
> 
> 2: caleb's past is mostly referred to in his actions and more heavily discussed in the other part of the series but its a blanket better safe then sorry type of tagging. 
> 
> not beta'd

“Hey.”  
  
Caleb looks up at them from his book. They're framed in silhouette from the lanterns in the hallway, and the way they lean in the doorway, body long and elegant, weight placed on the left hip giving their body a natural arc paints an exceptionally pretty picture.  
  
“Hi.”  
  
“Could we talk? I mean, I'd like to talk to you. About something.” Molly's voice is low and Caleb shrugs, closing his book and setting it on the nightstand.  
  
“About something, sure.” Molly steps into the room and closes the door behind them. “Am I in trouble?”  
  
“Ah- do you want to be?” It's a joke even if it's whispered seductively. He's assuming it's a joke. “No. It's uh. Awkward? Let's go with awkward. I was wondering if you would want to talk about your little uh- freezes. During fights.”  
  
“...It's not a problem. I won't be a problem.” He says, fingers tightening in his lap.  
  
“I'm not saying it's a problem. I'm just saying, if you want to talk about it or if you want someone who isn't Beau to take care of you when you go stiff- I mean when you freeze.” Their cheeks darken just barely. “Cause who would want Beau taking care of them when they're vulnerable.”  
  
“Beauregard is. Fine.” And she is.  
  
She knows more then what Caleb would like her to know, of course, but her hand on his shoulder is enough, is more than enough kindness than what he was expecting from her.  
  
The fact that Molly noticed though. That's something to worry about.  
  
“Yeah, fine is okay.” Mollymauk walks closer, hip checking the bedpost lightly. “But don't tell me the kiss wasn't nicer.”  
  
Caleb only vaguely remembers the smell of iron and soft lips brushing his forehead.  
  
“Mollymauk are you-”  
  
“I'm not trying to pressure you.” Caleb has to bite his tongue to keep the bitter bark of a laugh inside. “I'm just saying. If you want someone else to talk to. I'm right here.”  
  
The tips of Mollymauk's painted claws are cooler than their hand on his shoulder, and the warmth of his hand reaches through Caleb's dirty shirt.  
  
As far as heartfelt intentions go, Caleb can believe it. Nothing about this screams lie, trick, test. As far as seductions go, Caleb could do better drunk. He's sure Molly could do better too if they were less interested in treating him like a fragile piece of glass.  
  
Which he is.  
  
That's fair, he supposes.  
  
“Ja, thank you. I'll consider it- Mollymauk?”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“Did you really come here just to ask about my... my stiffening.” And he quirks his lips up just barely.  
  
There's a second of tiny confusion, and then a quirk to Molly's own.  
  
“That was a joke.”  
  
“Ja, maybe.”  
  
“It was.” Molly leans down, other hand on Caleb's other shoulder, tail swishing happily. “It was a good one.”  
  
“At your expense,” Caleb says and lets his shoulders fall. Relaxed is good, relaxed is nice, relaxed is non-threatening and inviting. “Was it worth it?”  
  
“Oh absolutely darling. Couldn't have done it better myself.”  
  
And then they're quiet, looking at each other, both waiting for the other to move, to telegraph that this is over or it isn't. He's somewhat surprised Mollymauk hasn't pushed him down flat on the mattress yet because everything about Mollymauk reads excitable in bed.    
  
“Mollymauk?” He whispers quietly.  
  
“Mm?”  
  
“Did you just come here to ask about my issues?”  
  
“That was the plan.”  
  
“And you have.”  
  
“And I have.” They say, staring, counting, Caleb realizes. Counting the freckles on his face.  
  
He leans up, puts in the effort of stretching forward, and kisses them. Their lips are soft, just like he remembered them being. He expects Molly's fingers to stiffen, but instead, their fingers grip down on his shoulders.  
  
Delayed reaction or not, he's still on his back, which means he's right, which means there's nothing to worry about.    
  
The sex is good. He's got the experience to be able to safely say good after Mollymauk eats him out for what must be half an hour at least, and Caleb stays hard the whole way through. He's impressed. He is. At himself or at Molly, he's not sure, but the heat that coils in his belly is real and heavy, and Mollymauk smirks when he comes on his chest without any direct attention.  
  
Molly sits on his face, and Caleb returns the favor a lot faster.  
  
They taste like sweat and something distinctly organic, and they're certainly a prettier color then most of the people he's had on his face before. He thinks Mollymauk might leave after that, but they're still wet enough that Caleb decides to go again, thumb rubbing their clit and licking until Mollymauk's moaning and gasping above him.  
  
Oversensitive by the time they come again, claws digging into Caleb's thighs where they grabbed him to keep steady.  
  
The first time he has sex with Mollymauk, it's to get Mollymauk to leave him alone.  
  
It doesn't work.

  
…  
 

  
They're closer to him after that.  
  
Clingy?  
  
Mollymauk is a very tactile person, and he doesn't know if that comes from the comfort of knowing Caleb sexually or if this was just inevitable. They lean on him in the cart, tail twisting around Caleb's ankle under tables, straightening his clothes for him before they all go inside somewhere.  
  
The continued open, unabashed kindness makes his brain go numb with confused mixing signals- some constant combination or trick/lie/grift and honest/interest/kindness that he has a hard time parsing through.  
  
He learns what they feel like- the smoothness of their nails and the roughness of their horns. He finds himself watching them, old training rearing its ugly head, and he searches for all of the micro-expressions he can barely see.  
  
He's gone soft with that- but then a decade with his brain rotting would do it to anyone.  
  
They don't bring up his episodes again, though.  
  
So mission somewhat accomplished.  
  
“Mr. Caleb.” They prod at his side while they're walking down the market road.  
  
“Ja, Mr. Mollymauk?”  
  
“Do you want to take a bath with me?”  
  
It's suggestive, but it's expected and Fjord groans behind them, already irritated from the shopping.  
  
“Am I getting filthy again?”  
  
“When aren't you?” Mollymauk links their arms together, and winks and Fjord groans louder.  
  
“Ja okay. If only to upset Fjord more.”  
  
“Hey!”  
  
They split, shoving their things into Fjord's arms before doing the same with Caleb's taking him by the hand and leading him in the direction of the bathhouse.  
  
They pay for a private bath, and Caleb shrugs when the attendant gives both of them a once over. They're paying. It's not a big deal.  
  
The water is warm and nice, and there is nothing to complain about. Even Molly sits in relative silence, just kind of next to him. More warmth by his side. That's not too bad.  
  
“Hey,” Molly whispers right into his ear, and Caleb's eyes shoot open. “You fell asleep.”  
  
For a moment he's not sure where he is, and his body does the thing it always does when he's confused about where he is. It warm- like the basement was in the summer. Warm like the asylum got in the summer too.  
  
“Caleb?” Eodwulf's voice- no- Astrid's-  
  
His head is swimming. Something soft bumps the back of his head and makes a loud noise- purring?  
  
Frumpkin rubs his face into Caleb's ear, and Caleb moves away from his, water dripping everywhere.  
  
Purple hands pull him back down into the bath and Mollymauk apologizes to the older couple in the other pool.  
  
“Hey.” They says quietly. “Darling, you okay?”  
  
“Ja- Ja. I'm fine. I'm fine.” He says. His voice is quiet too.  
  
“Do you want to-”  
  
“No.”  
  
Caleb stands up and heads out of the baths to get dressed.  
  
He spends the rest of the day in bed, blanket pulled over his head and his quill in hand scratching at his book. Nott doesn't bother him, and he doesn't know what she tells the others, but they don't bother him either.  
  
“Caleb?” She whispers, tugging at the sheet and he pulls it down the rest of the way.  
  
“Ja?”  
  
“I'm going to bunk with Jester and Beau, is that okay?”  
  
“Ja- ja of course. Go have fun, Nott.” She hesitates by the door, hands twisting together before nodding and leaving.  
  
He thinks he falls asleep around eleven maybe.  
  
Molly wakes him up by three.  
  
“I'm not talking about it.” He says and rolls over. Molly makes a noise in the back of their throat and puts a hand on Caleb's shoulder.  
  
“I don't want to talk about it.” Caleb's flat on his back when Molly gets on top of him, something that starts as a straddle and ends with Mollymauk laying on top of him with their full weight. “You have nightmares right? You look like the type of person who has nightmares.”  
  
Caleb snorts through his nose and tries to adjust to something more comfortable- but he's pretty sure Molly weighs more then he does.  
  
“Once or twice.”  
  
“I had a nightmare.” They say.  
  
It sounds like it hurt, whatever it was.  
  
“Okay,” Caleb says.  
  
“It was bad.” Molly whispers, almost sing-song. “Darling it was fucking awful.” Caleb pats their back, despite himself. “Take my mind off of it.”  
  
There's a moment of silence and Caleb considers a lot of things at once. If it didn't work before, it wouldn't work now- but then- maybe another more direct method would work better. He hates himself for thinking about it- how best to get Molly off so that they would go away and he would be allowed to sulk is his god given silence.  
  
Mollymauk blinks, and even in the darkness, Caleb can make out Mollymauk's eyes, a little wide. Fear or excitement, Caleb can't tell.  
  
He's gone soft.  
  
“Ja, Okay.”  
  
Mollymauk rides him. They feel good- tight and wet and warm, and Caleb barely has to do much of anything at all, Molly more than content to bounce on him like he's just a toy. Caleb reaches up- sliding first his thumb past their lips and then more fingers.  
  
Molly takes them without complaint, even moaning around him, eyes rolling back when Caleb's other thumb brushes – feather light – against their clit.  
  
The sex is still really good.  
  
Mollymauk squeezes down on him like a vice and Caleb thinks of cold, wet stone to his back to keep from spilling inside of them. Molly almost looks upset that he didn't fill them, but Caleb takes himself in hand before they can complain. He coats their thighs in it, and that seems to pacify them enough- at least for now.  
  
The second time he has sex with Mollymauk, he has a sinking feeling it won't be the last.  
  
He's right of course.

  
…

  
  
They're definitely clingy.  
  
Clingier.  
  
Caleb doesn't know how he didn't notice before. It does seem to be a direct correlation to their last time together.  
  
They're traveling north, some small job for some stupid rich noble when night come over them and the moon hangs fat in the sky.  
  
Caleb takes second watch and before Nott even has a chance to give her usual 'Me too' Mollymauk is already walking over and crossing their arms together like they did in the city. Fjord gives them a look and Mollymauk shrugs.  
  
Caleb shrugs too, after a moment.  
  
They both sit by the fire until they're sure the others are asleep and Mollymauk gets into Caleb's lap.  
  
“Hi, darling.”  
  
“Hello, Mollymauk.” They almost trill- some, pleased sound at the back of their throat again, high pitched and distinctly Tiefling. Something coils around his leg- their tail probably.  
  
“However will we pass the time?”  
  
“Something tells me you might have a few suggestions.”  
  
“Only a few.”

He's fine with kissing other people.  
  
This is the first time he's been kissed since-  
  
He shoves it down-  
  
He shouldn't of course. It makes him sick almost immediately, the thought of forgetting Astrid and Eodwulf so inherently wrong that he shoves Mollymauk off of him and retches on to the ground behind him.  
  
The cold sweat covers his body almost instantly, and he feels worse then he has in a long time.  
  
He mumbles some apology in Zemnian before clearing his throat and doing it in Common. He can't look at them, staring down at the dirt with shaking hands.  
  
Molly's skin is cool, and their palms are rough when they take Caleb's face and turn him forward.  
  
“That bad huh?” They joke, voice soft, while they hold up a water skin to Caleb's lips. “That's it. Just get the taste out, yeah?”  
  
He does after a while, half of the water spilling down the front of his shirt in the process.  
  
“I'm sorry.” His throat still burns.  
  
“It's okay. I'm not a great kisser actually, so I was expecting worse.” Caleb smiles weakly, hands still shaking a little bit when he takes the water skin into his own hands.  
  
“You're a very good kisser Mollymauk.” They pet his hair, and he feels disgusting.  
  
“Want to talk about it?”  
  
No.  
  
No, never.  
  
They don't need the fucking bullshit.  
  
“I'm fine.”  
  
“Okay. I mean, we both know it's bullshit but okay. Really. We can keep fucking around, and you can not talk about your feelings, and everything will be fine right?”  
  
“Exactly.” He says and then stops to think about it for a second. There's an edge of irritation in their voice, and Caleb fucked up somewhere. “It's not a fun story.”  
  
“You know, I didn't think it would be.”    
  
There's a wind blowing through the trees and Caleb hears rustling on every side of him.  
  
“Not today.”  
  
“...Not today.”  
  
Second watch goes off without a hitch and Fjord takes third. Molly leads him into their tent and with Fjord gone the only thing deterring him from fucking Mollymauk is the guilt, the vaguely unpleasant aftertaste, and the energy for spells tomorrow.  
  
“Just watch,” Mollymauk says and waits for Caleb to lie down.  
  
They're a vision, they really are.  
  
His eyes adjust just enough to watch Mollymauk's elegant claws circle their clit with care, other hand tugging at their nipples, playing with their chest. Caleb watches them get wetter, the way the tiny bit of light from the fire reflects off of the shiny slick.  
  
“Don't make a sound.” He says, and Mollymauk struggles to keep a moan in. They both stare out the tent, but whatever Fjord's busy with, he doesn't notice.  
  
“Talk to me.” They beg, and Caleb moves a little closer so that he can keep his whispers low.  
  
He tells them how beautiful they are, how gorgeous, how resplendent. How much he wants to shove his fingers into them until they're screaming his name and ruining the sheets. How much he wants to bite down and leave marks everywhere- every inch of available skin because he can just tell that's what would make Mollymauk happiest. How much he wishes they were on his dick right now.  
  
Molly comes in silence, mouth still dropping open and eyes still fluttering closed because explaining any of this to Fjord ruins the illusion of their quiet little separation. They wipe themselves clean and lay down next to Caleb, still radiating warmth.  
  
“I could-”  
  
“It's okay,” Caleb says.  
  
He's not hard anyway.  
  
His wires are Really crossed right now.  
  
The third time he has sex with Mollymauk, he does it because-  
  
He has no idea why he did that.

  
…

  
  
Mollymauk insists on paying for their suite at the Pillow Trove.  
  
It's a pointless gesture. Caleb could have told him about how much of a monster he was in any part of the city. But the rooms come with a bath and a meal and a few other things that were implied to be vaguely dirty in nature so really. There are worse places to recount a person's misdeeds.  
  
They bath first and Mollymauk fauns over him, washing his hair and massaging his back slowly.  
  
He feels warm and clean in a way he hasn't for a while, and Molly can't stop smiling at him about it.  
  
They eat dinner next, in fluffy plush robes in their room, brought up by pretty elves that wink when Caleb presses a silver into both of their hands.  
  
Dinner was very enjoyable.  
  
They sit on the bed, a comfortable mattress, stuffed with feathers instead of hay, he's sure.  
  
Mollymauk holds his hand and Caleb tells him how he murdered his mother and his father.  
  
Halfway through the story, he realizes he's telling Molly not because he has too but because he wants too and something about that makes it even harder than when he told Nott and Beauregard. He tells them more than he told them too. That's harder to explain. His charming attitude is always harder to explain.  
  
He doesn't cry.  
  
They do.  
  
It's filled with the same assurances that Nott and Beauregard gave him, and they still fall on deaf ears.  
  
None of them were there. None of them understand. He's a monster. He wanted to be a monster. And that's all there is to it. Mind control, no mind control, there was time to leave before he set his family on fire and he didn't take them. Too content to spend time with his friends and his teacher and all of the people he killed on a regular basis.  
  
Mollymauk rubs their face dry and stares at Caleb.  
  
“Can I kiss you?”  
  
“I'll try not to vomit this time.”  
  
Mollymauk's lips are soft, a little sticky with the gloss Caleb is sure Jester gave them. They smell like blackberries.  
  
“Not too bad?”  
  
“Marked improvement, ja.”  
  
Mollymauk laughs- it's shallow, but it's there- it reaches their eyes, and they lean into Caleb's side, face in his neck before letting their body drop down on the mattress, face now against his lower back. Caleb smiles despite himself and lets a hand trail into their hair.  
  
They stay like that for a while, only shifting to let Molly's head onto his lap instead. Their horns dig into his leg or his stomach, but he doesn't mind that much.  
  
“Touch them.” They mumble, and Caleb does. The bone or the keratin, Caleb isn't sure which, is bumpy under his fingers. They catch on certain parts, but the rough texture feels good against his hands.  
  
“Can you feel it at all?”  
  
Molly only shakes their head. Caleb rubs the base of them, soft hair and probably sensitive skin and Molly hums appreciation.  
  
“If we keep going I'm going to fall asleep. And that's just a waste of gold.”  
  
“I'm alright with you falling asleep.”  
  
“You're so sweet.” Caleb has to stop himself from barking out a laugh. Him, sweet? After he spent half an hour recounting- “But no, I think I'd rather play with the toys.” They sit up so abruptly Caleb loses his train of thought.  
  
They press a kiss into his cheek and rush off of the bed to the closet. Caleb's left dazed, staring at where their tail whips back and forth with excitement.  
  
“Ah-”  
  
“Would you be okay with me fucking you?”  
  
Tonal whiplash aside Caleb lays back down on the bed and sighs.  
  
“I would be very okay with you fucking me.”  
  
The cock they pick out is larger then Caleb thought it would be, but he has no qualms with it. Mollymauk drops a corked bottle of oil on his chest while they do up their harness. He coats his fingers and hands the bottle back and doesn't watch Mollymauk cover the toy in it. He's too rushing to get himself open. Molly knocks his thighs apart because they want a better look and he obliges, slowing down to accommodate the show they obviously want.  
  
It's been a while since he's had anything up there. The toy stretches him open more then his fingers and the sensation is only mildly unpleasant, Molly bottoming out and then laying their weight down on Caleb's chest again to kiss him. It's different from Astrid and different from Eodwulf, and maybe that's okay too.  
  
It shouldn't be, but Molly starts moving as soon as the thought must translate on his face, shifting back onto their knees and lifting Caleb's hips up into the air just a bit. They tell him to touch himself, and he does- a sort of slow tug that gives him time to calm down- return to the situation.  
  
Mollymauk beams at him when he spills over his chest and seems to surprise himself over it. They lean down to lick him clean, slowing their hips to light drags, the toy still inside, still filling him, still rubbing and making him oversensitive. Mollymauk's warm tongue over his nipples makes his cock stir again.  
  
“Come here.” He begs because it's becoming hard to think and Mollymauk laughs, pulling out of him and undoing the harness to straddle his face. He still feels open while he licks and sucks them till they finish and they fall over onto the bed boneless and laughing.  
  
“You're very good at that darling, did anyone ever tell you?”  
  
“Just a few.”  
  
The fourth time he has sex with Mollymauk, it's because he wants to.  
  
It's refreshing.

  
…

  
  
They barely escape the fight with their lives, and while the rest of them go to heal and rest in their inn, Caleb pulls Mollymauk into a barely concealed alleyway, still high off of the adrenaline, and kisses them.  
  
“Yeah?” Molly asks, and Caleb just nods, biting their collarbone. “Bit dirty of you, Mr. Caleb.” He takes Molly's hand and places it over his erection straining against his trousers. “Very dirty of you.” They tease, but he can hear the smile on their voice.  
  
“Mr. Mollymauk, if you would please- please- please- get me off.”  
  
“Yeah okay, darling.” Their voice is higher- they sound pleased. Very pleased.  
  
Their fingers curl around his cock while Caleb kisses their neck and gets him off like they were asked too. He ruts against their hand, still scared and still excited and still relieved from the fight that he comes in a minute, Mollymauk's laughter in his ear. He spills on their hand, and they lift it up to Caleb's mouth.  
  
He dutifully licks them clean.  
  
“Do you want me too-”  
  
“I'm okay.” They pat his face with their dry hand and kiss his forehead before slipping out of the alley to find the others.  
  
The fifth time he has sex with Mollymauk, he trusts Mollymauk to take care of him.  
  
They do, obviously.

  
…

  
The last time he has sex with Mollymauk, he feels good.  
  
Of course, he does.  
  
“I love you.” They tell him while they untie him from the ropes he was hanging by and carefully help him down on the ground before his knees buckle, and he leans against them.  
  
“I love you too.” He says like it doesn't mean anything to him.  
  
He feels a little delirious, but suspension bondage always made him a little delirious. Something about not being able to touch the ground for too long just didn't agree with him that much. It was Mollymauk's suggestion, and Caleb has become more than glad to go along with it.  
  
The sheets are cool under his skin, and Molly's body is warm at his side, fingers carefully brushing the hair out of his face.  
  
“Really?” They asks.  
  
The moving on process- or rather the compartmentalization process- had taken a while.  
  
He knows that Astrid and Eodwulf happened.  
  
That they mattered while they did.  
  
He knows that Mollymauk matters too.  
  
“I think so.” He says, and he feels like he's floating.  
  
“Wow.”  
  
Caleb smiles at that.  
  
He trusts them enough to be able to say it and not have them throw it back in his face later.  
  
“You don't have to say it if you don't mean it you know. I won't get offended.”  
  
“I know.” Caleb turns his head to look at them. Really look at them. They are gorgeous, and the affection on their eyes is suffocating beyond reason. There's a resounding and unrelenting nagging feeling that he doesn't deserve them. “I do though. I love you.”  
  
That time he says it like it means a great deal very much that he say it.  
  
“Wow.” Mollymauk parrots again, and Caleb smiles.  
  
He thinks that maybe, for a moment, and only for a moment, if the rest of his life was like this, spent with them, that he might be okay.

 

...

 

When Mollymauk dies the guilt is insurmountable.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always encouraged and very very very appreciated
> 
> yell[ at me here](http://iamalivenow.tumblr.com/)


End file.
